"Expecting you to be able to count to three isn’t unreasonable."

Hilarious take yesterday from Romey on "The Volcanic Milton Bradley."

With Man-Ram on “maternity leave”, we need to venture off to “other parts of the galaxy”. And back on “Planet Milton”, things are getting nice. I’ve been loaded up on the NBA Finals the last few days and wanted to double-back to Cubs’ outfielder Milton Bradley’s “act” last Friday.

As I’m sure you already know, trailing by two runs in the 8th, Milton caught a Joe Mauer fly ball…styled it for a few moments…and then tossed it into the bleachers. Better to toss the ball to the fans, than to slam a water bottle at their feet. Progress! Nice touch, Milton.

Or it would have been had it not been just the second out of the inning with runners on the corners. “Uh-oh!!!”

Of course, as unforgivable an act as that is, Milton’s inevitable reaction to it is worse than the crime itself: “…that’s life. These people have high expectations. I have high expectations for myself. I never made a mistake like that in my life. Sue me.” See, Milton, this is why you’re not misunderstood! Why the world really isn’t out to get you! But you could see how it might be after hearing something like that.

Striking out with the bases loaded in the 9th…that’s life. Forgetting how many outs there are and throwing the ball into the stands is unforgivable! That can’t ever happen! And what do you mean “these people have high expectations”?! Expecting you to be able to count to three isn’t unreasonable. Mix in an umpire indicator, my man! If you’re going to go “bonehead” like that…you better “own it”, “promise it will never happen again” and “just keep moving”.

Bad things, Cubs fans! He’s hitting .220, getting booed, the team is struggling and he’s hooking fans up with two out souvenirs. “Head for the hills, North-siders”, because it’s only a matter of time before “Mt. Milton” erupts.