Rome Takes

I meant to post this 3 months ago just haven't had time. Either way, still excellent Rome takes. Sorry they are so long, but those were funny at the time. September 30, 2011

Worst 3 Minutes In Red Sox History
As for the Red Sox, where do I even start? Give me some space; this is going to take sometime. While that may have been an epic night for the sport, it has to be the worst three minutes in Red Sox history. And given that they were the ones that sold Babe Ruth to the Yankees and have suffered some of the sport’s most monumental collapses ever, that’s really saying something. And I couldn’t be more proud of you fellas. I mean, I did call it right here yesterday, but I didn’t say it would go down like that. No one could have seen that coming. I know I didn’t. Because the Red Sox I saw for most of last night’s game were not the same guys who had gripped their way through September, choking away a 9 game lead in less than a month. No, these cats were different. They were composed, confident and on the verge of getting over. And just when it looked like they were going to choke, meltdown…, and win…, they dug deep, clutched up and found a way to implode. In the most spectacular chowd fashion. It would have been so easy just to give in, fold their tents and win that game. But they refused to let the dream die and I couldn’t be more proud of the way they manned up. And cowboy downed.

But again, I had my doubts: especially in the 9th when Jonathan Papelbon hit the bump. Terry Francona had gone to him time and time again, and he had to be hanging. But you’d never know it seeing him gas the first two batters he faced. The dude’s a horse, he was peaking on adrenaline, and the Orioles were seriously overmatched. They couldn’t catch up to his filth. Dude looked like he wanted to fight the entire City of Baltimore: he was just giving off this vibe of: this all ends right now: we’re not choking. Not on my watch. Get on my back losers; I’ll finish this thing myself. But then, instead of going to the rosin bag, he reached for his gas can instead, dousing the infield…and fired off one of his blue tips. And that blaze sparked dramatically and spread tragically.


Chris Davis doubles to right on the very first pitch. Tying run in scoring position and the Sox are no longer smirking in the dugout, they’re gripping. Hard. Up steps Nolan Reimold, .167 lifetime against Papelbon. But not this Papelbon. They had gone to him so many times: the adrenaline had to be draining, yet he just kept pumping fastball after fastball. He gets two strikes on Reimold and looks to reach back one last time. One strike away from choking and winning, Papelbon digs deep and keeps the dream alive by grooving one to Reimold, who whacks it into right field. Tie game! Now all hell is breaking loose: it’s really going to happen! The Sox are about to pull off the most catastrophic tank job ever in sports. Robert Andino then shoots a liner to left. And there’s Carl Crawford, Boston’s $142 million dollar bust and that ball is sinking quickly with the winning run on the move. He can’t come up with it, which isn’t going to make the Red Sox fans like him any more than they already don’t. The winning run scores and the choke is complete! Absolutely incredible! One strike away from at least forcing a playoff today in Tampa, the Sox are D.O.A. It was sudden and it was spectacular. Shell-shocked, they walk numb into the clubhouse, to get on their knees and hope the Yankees, who hate them, and have nothing to play for pick them up against the Rays in extra innings.

And no sooner do they arrive in the clubhouse; they see their worst nightmare unfolding. Evan Longoria digging in against Scott Proctor in the bottom of the 12th. Again, the Yankees had nothing on the line, the Rays everything, and they had already battled back from a 7-0, 7th inning deficit. And Longoria was the one who brought them back with a 3 runner. And now he was facing Proctor, the Yankees 11th pitcher of the night! And a dude who missed most of 2009 and 2010, had an ERA north of 7 and…well….is Scott Proctor. A huge mismatch that played out pretty much the way you’d think it would, given the situation: Uh-oh! Pandemonia: guarantee all the Red Sox hadn’t even settled into their barcaloungers to see Longoria cross home plate to wrap the worst three minutes in Red Sox history. And I couldn’t be more proud of them for it: as I always say, and have been hammering for the last two weeks: give me an A or give me an F. Staggering into the playoffs only to be murdered in the first round would have been worthless and utterly forgettable. But blowing a 9 game September lead and getting within one strike on the last day of the season of at least forcing a playoff and then having it all rip apart?! That’s epic. And legendary and will never be forgotten. Way to cowboy down, men. I knew you fellas had it in you, but you just surpassed even my wildest expectations. I couldn’t be more proud of you as if you were my own sons.


Man Down Boston
Although they looked terrified and did their absolute best to implode against Baltimore last night, the Red Sox somehow hung on and lived to fight one more day. Which is tremendous, because now it gives them the opportunity to pull off one of the most catastrophic tank jobs ever by choking out on day number 162. It couldn’t set up any better: Boston and Tampa Bay are in a dead - tie for the Wild Card. If they both win or both lose tonight, they play it off, sudden death tomorrow, in Tampa. But I don’t think the Sox are going to get it to tomorrow. I’ve said it before and obviously, I need to say it again right now, because the Sox are still actually trying. Blowing a 9 game September lead and staggering into the postseason like a battered fighter who’s out on his feet, only to eat one last haymaker in the postseason and go to sleep forever…, gets you nothing. There’s nothing memorable in that. But, blowing that huge lead, choking out on the last day of the season and missing the playoffs altogether: now, that’s legendary. That’s something Red Sox fans will take with them to their graves. Stop thinking you just need to get in, any way possible, hit the reboot button, and start over from scratch. That ain’t happening. There’s no force quit on this tank job: you can’t reboot off this meltdown: you’re too beat up mentally and physically. There is no new season for you once the playoffs start. So man down…and finish it right now. And it says here, they will.

Because from where I’m sitting there’s not a whole lot to like about Boston tonight. They’re running Jon Lester out there, who is coming off his worst start of the season and is taking the ball on three day’s rest. And they’re battling a Baltimore team that is looking to make their season by wrecking Boston’s. The O’s are battling Boston like it’s the World Series. The O’s are in last place. This is their World Series. Buck Showalter probably has the champagne on ice and the lockers covered in plastic for when the O’s rip the Sox hearts’ out tonight. The Rays, meanwhile, are sending their ace David Price to the bump against a Yankees team that has nothing to play for. They’ve already wrapped up the home field throughout, and they’re not doing anything to jeopardize their chances in the playoffs. And you know they’re not looking to pick the Red Sox up in any way. The Rays are playing with house money while the Red Sox are playing with their hands around their throats. Hard to imagine this ending any other way but horribly for the Red Sox.