'Twas the Night Before Christmas

This is pretty funny:

Calling an Audible

During the game between Tom Brady and Peyton Manning earlier in the season I had an idea, and after all the hype surrounding the upcoming playoff matchup I think it's even better. What is the idea? A Brady-Manning buddy movie. Or possibly a documentary with the two of them on a road trip, maybe to Omaha. And there would need to be guest stars: Archie Manning, Eli Manning, Gisele Bündchen, Bill Belichick, Tony Dungy, Roger Goodell, Wes Welker, etc. How great would that be?

Play of the Day

"Livestock rained down on shocked drivers..."

I was going to write that this story is equal parts tragic and funny, but since no one was killed I'm going with 7/10 funny, 2/10 bizarre, and just 1/10 tragic. The story is a truck in Australia carrying a trailer full of sheep tipped over on an overpass, sending the sheep plummeting into traffic on the expressway below.



A few quotes from the story:
"Yeah, raining sheep doesn't happen every day."

"It was like an action movie..." I don't know what kind of action movies they have down under, but they must be very different from ours.

"We have three other cars that are extensively damaged from livestock falling through their windscreens."

"The sheep not so lucky."

And we haven't even gotten to the jokes about counting sheep. 

(Via Autoblog)

SNL: "Lin-Sanity"

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I saw a smart car this morning, a "pure coupe" I think, that had a flame paint job. Do you think the owner was being ironic?

Football Humor

Via The Corner: "Which NFL team should I root for?"

"You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

I saw a crazy car yesterday at the gas station. Just as I was pulling up to the pump an older Chevy pulled in, probably an '85 or older Caprice Classic. It was rolling on at least 19" rims, maybe larger, but that wasn't the remarkable part. The top was yellow and the rest of the car was bright green. On the side there was an airbrushed scene featuring the Incredible Hulk. I should have taken a picture, but I was so in shock it didn't occur to me.

"We're all tired of hearing about Dr. Seuss."

Via Big Hollywood, at Dartmouth Conan O'Brien gives one of the best commencement speeches ever:

So True

"I'd buy that for a dollar!"

Mayor Dave Bing tweeted yesterday that there are no plans to erect a statue to one of Detroit's most famous fictional residents:


Too bad, that would be much cooler than a statue of the Fonz.

?

Do you think Fox will have Omar Epps involved in any of their pregame broadcast? That would be awesome. And, yes, not the first time I've posted on this topic.

Monorail!

I didn't watch the State of the Union address last night, but I read it went something like this:

Quote of the Day

Mr. Madison, what you've just said . . . is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

-Principal, Billy Madison

Rome Take 11-30-10

Another Memorable Cardinal Presser

No, it wasn’t Denny Green good as some of you seem to think, but Cardinals Q.B. Derek Anderson snapping after last night’s loss during questioning from the media was pretty epic. Look, I know plenty of you are insulted that this guy would display any emotion other than rage at the end of another humiliating blowout. And that laughing at the end of a game like that speaks to his utter lack of desire and competitiveness….blah blah blah. You know what, probably not. I don’t know what Deuce Lutui hit him with on the sideline. Maybe it was something like, “Hey D,; how funny is it that we’re the Monday nighter? How bent do you think ESPN and the rest of America are? That’s funny. Maybe he was just picking his guy up with some gallows humor. Unfortunately that’s the issue: we don’t know, because Anderson wouldn’t tell us. Although Philip Rivers and Tom Brady wouldn’t do it, I don’t have a huge problem with Derek Anderson cracking a smile on the bench. He’s Derek Anderson. My problem is with how he reacted to being questioned about it. He put on a clinic on how not to handle that situation.

It was like a step by step guide on exactly what not to do at the podium. Step one, laughing at the end of a blowout loss during a disastrous year, does look pretty bad; when asked about it, throw the ‘It’s none of your business card. Then, if that doesn’t deter the questioner, start lying. Say you weren’t even laughing. Then, when caught in your lie, aggressively starting pounding away with, “That’s fine. That’s fine”. And be sure to say it no less than a dozen times. Then when it’s clear you’re wrong, and backed into a corner, try to fight your way off the ropes. Come out swinging. Switch from defense to offense. Attempt to intimidate and back down the questioner; mix in some profanity. Whine about how hard you work. And then if all that doesn’t work, take a knee and just bust out of there. What a perfect fail by Anderson. Every read he made at the presser was the wrong one and every pass he threw was picked and housed. Only after falling behind by 9 T.D.’s did he finally throw one into the stands, pull the rip chord and just eject from the whole proceeding. Just remember, D.A. the cover-up is always worse than the crime.

Quote of the Day

Teddy Roosevelt never said, "Speak softly and carry 'Cat in the Hat.'"

Greg Gutfeld, Daily Gut

Two Piles On McNabb

Rome Take: 11-3-10

With all the fire Donovan McNabb has been taking lately, you knew it was just a matter of time before his old pal Terrell Owens piled on. And he just did. On his reality show; “Well, I don’t really want to start anything, but I did play in the Super Bowl and there were rumors where he couldn’t get our two minute offense going at the end of the game. I’m just saying.” Vintage, Two. Anytime anyone says ‘I don’t really want to start anything’, they’re there to do just one thing. Start something. And if they cap it with, ‘I’m just saying’ what they really mean is, “Yeah, I said it.” You got a problem with it? You wanna go? The problem I have…is not that he said it, but rather, what he said; that there were rumors that he couldn’t get the two minute offense going at the end of the game? You mean the rumors you yourself started, when you laid the guy out for getting sick in the huddle during the Super Bowl? Those rumors?

C’mon, man; you’re a talk show host now, Two; you don’t couch things with ‘there were rumors, or people will say:’…. Let it rip; just say it. The man couldn’t run the two minute drill when I was with him in Philly, and obviously he can’t run it now, which is why Mike Shanahan jerked him out of there. Shoot straight, don’t pull any punches. You know, like your co-host Ochocinco, who let it rip by simply saying, “If anyone out there feels that Rex Grossman gives the Washington Redskins a better chance than Donovan McNabb to win a game with two minutes left on the clock-they need to slap they selves.” Word, Chad. And Mike Shanahan really needs to stop jerking his Q.B.’s around, because John Elway ain’t coming through that door.

But JaMarcus Russell did. And apparently bent the scale at 286 on arrival. Is this for real? Shanahan has concerns about McNabb’s cardiovascular endurance but brought in a guy who ate his way out of the league and showed up weighing 286? Hey Mike, are you looking to motivate McNabb or fight him? Because, calling into question a guy’s work ethic and then bringing in JaMarcus Russell for a look is a reason to go. And JaMarcus, you do know you were interviewing for McNabb’s gig and not Albert Haynesworth’s right? Because unless you’re looking to put a hand in the ground, you’ve got no business showing up weighing 286. You had a better chance of locking down that gig by skipping that interview altogether than showing up a few double-doubles south of 3 bills. My man, what’s it going to be. Are you going to accept the label of biggest bust ever, or is your pride going to kick in at some point and are you going to do what you have to do to salvage what’s left of your good name. I mean, what have you been doing in the nearly six months since you were released? Because it’s pretty clear what you haven’t been doing; getting within 500 feet of a treadmill. If that reported weight is accurate, then nothing has changed and you haven’t learned anything. And if that’s the case, why bother at all? Just tell teams, I got paid, I’m going to keep on rocking the Ja-Walrus Ruffles handle and I’m good. Or get in the gym and re-write your legacy.

Re: Geico

This is my favorite.

Woodchucks

My dad mentioned this commercial a few weeks ago and I finally saw it yesterday. I thought it was pretty funny, so I figured I'd share:

"Ochocinco's"

I'm not surprised Chad formerly Johnson would want his face and name on a cereal box. I am surprised that a someone would make a cereal just for him, even for charity. And I think it's hilarious that the charity number listed on the box actually is the number for a phone sex line. Everyone involved claims it's an error, which would seem likely unless you have a particularly disgruntled printer, but I still think it's pretty funny. It does make his Twitter post from Wednesday, "Start your day with a lil suga!!!", particularly unfortunate though.